Now, I was reluctant to begin with. I have only seen a few shows before diving into the season discs and was not sure how much I liked the heavy-handed comedy, absurdist nature and kitschy music.
Every episode, however, has been speaking to me in terms I never expected. I'm not talking about laughing at Jack or Tracy, but in some insane and ridiculous empathy that I have for Liz Lemon.
The first episode (not in season 1) I ever saw of this show was about Lemon's school reunion, which she classified as mortifying since she was bullied. Jack accompanies her and soon realizes that Lemon was not bulled, but was the bully. The flashback of her character harassing and making sarcastic jokes about her classmates struck me hard because I could see myself in the same position. This constant yearning for acceptance and friends, yet a ferocious mouth that attempts to vindicate the loneliness and drive away the rejection.
At that moment I began to see myself in Lemon (as did my husband, strangely). In Fey. Geeky and insecure, intelligent and silly, altogether lovable and misunderstood. A good person who in stressful situations has her lines crossed. A caustic tongue to keep people away for fear of them discovering vulnerability. It seems almost too good to be a character sketch, a ploy, a development of writers in a room somewhere. I can't help but believe that art is imitating Fey's life here. And mine, albeit far less successful, attractive and thin.
And so, episode after episode I learn more about myself through Liz Lemon. Learn that 30 Rock is an approaching age that I can no longer forgive. A personality type I've solidified and now have to trust and handle. That it is okay to be a bitch. It is okay to stand up for yourself. It is okay to revise personal history and be deluded. To be an extroverted personality stuck in an introverted mentality...
...so long as you look good doing it.
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